The Purrincess Bride
by ScarlettWitchWM
Summary: A tale quite like The Princess Bride but with twists, turns, and cat puns. It may not be the best but it works. Warning: Extreme Feels! And Cat Puns! Transferred from my Wattpad Account: AoiReid
1. One

A pregnant woman with dark blue hair and bluebell eyes entered her little girl's Ladybug and Chatnoir decorated room. She saw Emma playing Ultimate Mecha Strike 5. 

"Hi, Sweetie." 

Marinette greeted as she 

thought how proud that Emma adopted her video game skills 

instead of her father's.

"Hi, mommy." 

Emma immediately responded back not breaking her concentration.

Marinette kissed Emma's dark blue covered forehead as Emma continued with winning the game.

"You feeling any better?" 

Emma's mom worriedly asked.

"A little bit." Emma replied as she turned off her game system and snuggled into bed.

"Guess what?" Marinette asked.

"What?" Emma curiously answered back. "Daddy came home early."

Marinette felt over joyed when Emma's face lite up with excitement.

"Is he gonna read me a story?" 

Emma asked knowing that he's probably tried over working so much but she held out hope.

"He'll do anything for his little bug."

Marinette smiled knowing that it's been rough for him since he didn't want Marinette to get hurt why she was pregnant with their second child.

"Will it be about how Ladybug beats up bad guys?" Emma asked.

"Maybe." Marinette replied as she spotted her blonde husband in the doorway listening to the conversation.

As Emma's gorgeous wide eyed face looked up at her father with a Cheshire like grin.

Marinette greeting Adrien with a hug.

The only thing that made the hug uncomfortable was her pregnant belly.

Adrien then preceded to kiss his wife.

Emma covered her eyes with her hands.

"Ewwww.. not in my room." Emma whined. Emma didn't like romantic stuff. She was only ten but she was Daddy's little girl.

Marinette left as Adrien sat down on the corner of Emma's black and red bed. "Hey, how is my little kitten doing? Have I got a purrfect story fur you." Adrien said.

"Does it have sports in it?" She asked.

Adrien forgot how athletic she was.

He completely forgot she was in gymnastics, due to her cat like flexibility.

"Are you kitten? Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, cats, monsters, cheese, cookies, chases, escapes, true love, and miraculous miracles..."

Adrien emphasized.

"Doesn't sound bad. Guess I'll stay awake." Emma bluntly told him. 

She wasn't really interested in it but she really wanted her dad to read her a story no matter what the story was about.

"A blonde haired green eyed boy named Adrien was raised in a castle with his twin brother..."

"Daddy, you can't put yourself in the story." Emma complained.

"Yes, I can." Adrien pointed out.

"No you can't." Emma argued.

Dismissing her complaint, he continued with the story.

"The Agreste twins were raised in a castle in the country of Paris. Their favorite passed times were watching the vigil anti, Ladybug and getting bake goods at the market from the Dupains. The baker girl they got their food from was called Marinette but they never called her that..."

"You put mom in it too?" Emma interrupting her dad's story.

"She too purrfect to leave out." Adrien said as he complemented his wife with a cat pun.


	2. Two

"Nothing gave Adrien's twin clawful brother Felix more pawleasure then ordering people around." Adrien said.

Emma started to feel more and more like she was part of the story.

"Baker girl, make me four dozen loafs and eight cakes. I want them by tomorrow morning." Felix ordered.

"As you wish." She replied.

"'As you wish.' was all Marinette said to him." "Bakergirl! Where is my bread? It better be here on time tomorrow!"

Felix ordered again.

"As you wish." Marinette replied.

"Prince Adrien notice how she was being treated but he didn't stand a chance standing up to Felix since Felix was the next in line to be King. That day Prince Felix was amazed to discover that the vigil anti that he also loved and the baker girl were the same purrson. He then thought since he was going to be king her 'as you wishes' were actually confessions of love... " Adrien said.

"Why are you having mom be with uncle Felix? Do you not love her?"

Confused Emma asked.

Adrien was wondering why she would think that but he remembered she's only ten.

"Of course but the story won't be like hiss furever." Adrien reassured.

"So where was I?" Adrien asked.

"Prince Felix's crush." Emma replied.

"Bakergirl, Pawlease fetch me that cookie." Prince Adrien asked. 

"She always looked thrilled every time Prince Adrien asked from something from her or made a clawver pun. That day was the day she developed felines for him." Adrien described.

"Dad! You can't make cat puns! It will ruin the story!" Emma complained.

"I'm the Story Tailer. I'll make as many cat puns as I want." Adrien sassed back. Emma rolled her green eyes at her father sass.

"Prince Adrien visited Ladybug in their secret spot." Adrien continued.

"I fear I'll never see you again." Prince Adrien said worryingly.

"Of course you will." Ladybug comforted. 

"But what if something happens to mew when I'm gone?" Prince Adrien asked as he studied every detail of his Lady's unfurgettable face.

"I'll be hear." She promised.

"Then, M'Lady hear this now. I'll come back for you." Prince Adrien promised back even know he was already betrothed to Chloe of the Bourgeois Kingdom. He wanted to marry out of love not out of pure pawressure.

"But how can you be sure?" She asked.

"This is true love, Bugaboo. You think something this miraculous happens everyday?" Prince Adrien replied.

He kissed her one last time before he left on his journey that he knew he would never come back from.

Prince Adrien didn't reach his destination. His ship was attacked by the dread pirate ChatNoir, who never left captives alive. When Marinette was invited into the castle she thought it was a thank you from Prince Adrien hissself. Instead Prince Felix told her the clawful news. She first wouldn't believe it then cried in hiss arms. 

"Since, my brother is no longer with us. I will no longer be needing your services." Prince Felix calmly fired her as the whole kingdom went into morning fur their young Prince.


	3. Three

"Daddy!! You can't kill yourself off. You have to marry mommy then make me then die." Emma whined.

Adrien choose to ignore the fact that his precious little girl told him to die.

"She went into her room and shut the door, and for days she nether slept or ate. " Adrien continued.

"I will never love again." She vowed.

"Weeks later, the main square of the Agreste kingdom was filled as never before to hear the announcement of the great Prince Felix Agreste's bride-to-be. He need to get married to release tension in the kingdom." 

"My people.." Felix addressed. "A month from now, the vigil anti Ladybug will celebrate her three thousandth anniversary. On that sundown, I shall honor M'Lady and marry a commoner like yourselves. But perhaps you will not find her common now. Would you like to meet her?"

"Yes!" The people of the kingdom replied. 

"My loyal subjects, the Princess Marinette." Prince Felix proudly stated as his bride to be came out dressed in a black and red gown topped with a golden crown followed a red carpet lined path into the crowd.

After the welcoming ceremony Princess Marinette rode her red roan mare named Tikki. Hoping that would help but Marinette's emptiness consumed her. Although the law of the land gave Prince Felix the right to choose his bride, she did not love him. She no longer made her appearance as Ladybug. Despite Prince Felix's reassures that she would grow to love him, the only joy she found was riding her horse, Tikki. 

"You better not make me a horse." Plagg interrupted as he sat on Emma's shoulder. "Would you rather be a dog?"Adrien asked. Emma giggled as the little black cat like kwami eyes went wide. "Of course not!!!" Plagg yelled.

"Marinette was on her way back to the castle when a group of three stop her."

Adrien said, carrying on with his story.

"A word, lady. We are but poor, lost circus performer. Is their a village nearby?" A girl with long brown hair dressed in a fox like out fit asked.

"There is nothing nearby... not for miles." She kindly replied not realizing she sealed her fate.

"Then there will be not one to hear you scream!!" Volpnia yelled as her comrade Bubbler dragged helpless Marinette of Tikki. "What is that your ripping?" Lady Wifi asked.

"Dude, it's like the sixteen hundreds. There wasn't any wifi. I should know I was there." Plagg complained.

"Shut up and eat your Camembert." Adrien said back as Plagg shoved his cheeks with the repulsing cheese. It was a story for Emma, his little kitten. It didn't have to be perfect. It just had to be purrfect.

"It's fabric from the uniform of an army officer of Bourgeois." Volpnia answered as she put the yellow fabric on Tikki. "Who's Bourgeois?" Bubbler asked. "The second most powerful kingdom to ever rein beside Agreste."

Volpnia said as she turned to Tikki and hit her rear end and yelled "Go!"

Volpnia wanted Tikki to go straight back to the Agreste castle.

The four ended up on a pirate like ship.

 _ **A/N: I wrote this two years ago and it still cracks me up.**_


	4. Four

"Once the horse reaches the castle, the fabric will make the prince suspect Bourgeois have abducted his love. When he finds her body dead on the Bourgeois frontier, his suspensions will be totally confirmed." Volpnia cackled.

"Adrien... nobody cackles anymore." Plagg pointed out. "Plagg leave daddy alone." Emma ordered. "Yeh, you heard her leave me alone." Adrien repeated. "And daddy finish tailing the story." Emma said. Adrien hugged his sick daughter in excitement over the fact she said a pun. It wasn't just a pun in Adrien's eyes it was thee cat pun.

"You never said anything about killing anyone one." Bubbler stated.

"Hawkmoth hired you two to help me start a war. It's a prestigious line of work, with a long and glorious tradition." Volpnia bragged.

"I just don't think it's right, killing a innocent girl." Bubbler said. Having his conscious get the best of him.

"Am I going deaf, or did the word 'THINK' escape your lips? YOU WERE NOT HIRED FOR YOUR BRAINS, YOU BUBBLING BEACHED WHALE!"

Volpnia furiously shouted.

"I agree with Bubbler." Lady Wifi said.

"WHAT HAPPENS TO HER IS NOT TRULY YOUR CONCERN. I WILL KILL HER, AND REMEMBER THIS, NEVER FORGET THIS: WHEN I FOUND YOU. YOU WERE SO LOST WITHOUT YOUR PHONE THAT YOU DIDN'T REALIZE YOU'VE WANDER INTO THE NEXT KINGDOM OVER."

Volpnia turned to Bubbler.

"AND YOU! YOU COULDN'T AFFORD TO BUY ANY MORE BUBBLES BECAUSE OF YOUR ADDICTION TO PARTIES! DO YOU WANT ME TO SEND YOU BACK WHERE YOU WERE UNEMPLOYED, IN BOURGEOIS!!!" Volpnia finished with a sly fox like grin. Knowing with out her they would be helpless. 

"Volpnia can fuss." Lady Wifi whispered to Bubbler as Volpnia steered the ship. 

"Fuss?... I think she likes to scream at us. " Bubbler whispered back.

"She probably doesn't mean any harm." Lady Wifi sarcastically said as she rolled her golden eyes.

"She's really short on charm." Blubber joked. Lady Wifi chuckled at what she thought was Bubbler's irresistible charm. "You've got a great gift for rhyme." Lady Wifi complimented.

"Yes, yes, some of the time." Bubbler teased. "Enough of that!!" Volpnia shouted.

"Volpnia, are there rocks ahead?" Lady Wifi asked. As she spotted the cliffs. "If there are, will we all be dead?" Bubbler asked. "No more rhymes now, I mean it!!" Volpnia yelled annoyed with Bubbler's dumb rhymes. "Anybody want a peanut?" Bubbler asked as he was having fun tormenting Volpnia.

"DYEEAAHHHHHHH!!" Volpnia yelled in response to his horrible rhymes. As the ship sat in the open sea, Lady Wifi look behind herself frequently. 

"We'll reach the cliffs by dawn. Why are you doing that?" Volpnia glared.

"Are you sure nobody's following us?" 

Lady Wifi asked worryingly.

"That would be inconceivable."

Volpnia stated.

"Despite what you think, you will be caught by Ladybug or Prince Felix. And when you are, Prince Felix will hang you." Marinette confidently told them.

She didn't fear her capturers.

"Of all the necks on this boat, Highness, the one you should be worrying about is your own." The sly fox smirked as she put a finger under Marinette's chin.


	5. Five

There was a long pause of silence.

"Stop doing that!! We can all relax, it's almost over." Volpnia yelled.

"You are sure nobody followed us?" Lady Wifi asked as her nerves were getting the best of her.

"As I told you, it would be absolutely, totally and in all other ways, inconceivable. No one in Bourgeois knows what we've done, and no one in Agreste could've got gotten here so fast." Volpnia bragged. Along paused passed before Volpina questioned "Out of curiosity, why

do you ask?"

"No reason. Suddenly, I just happen to look behind and something was there." Lady Wifi stated worriedly that their safety may or may not be jeopardy.

"Probably some local fisherman out for a pleasure cruise at night...through siren-infested waters." Volpina stated knowing how naive men could be when they chased after something they can't have.

Marinette dived overboard with a loud splash! Trying to make her escape. Swimming in one direction as fast as she could. 

"Wha-wh-Go in! Get after her!" Volpina ordered. Caught off guard by Marinette's brave yet reckless actions.

"And get my phone wet? No thank you." Lady Wifi replied protectively patting the pocket of her outfit that her phone was put in.

"I only dog paddle." Bubbler said not knowing how to swim in great distances.

"DYEEAAHHHHHH!! VEER LEFT! LEFT! LEFT!" Volpina shouted as Bubbler took the wheel of the ship.

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT SOUND IS, HIGHNESS? THOSE ARE THE SIRENS. IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME! JUST WAIT! THEY ALWAYS GROW LOUDER WHEN THEY'RE ABOUT TO FEED ON HUMAN FLESH. IF YOU SWIM BACK NOW, I PROMISE, NO HARM WILL COME TO YOU. I DOUBT YOU'LL GET SUCH AN OFFER FROM THE SIRENS." The bossy brunette shouted at helpless Marinette who was swimming away."

Emma had a blanket pulled up to her face to hide her worried expression.

"Don't worry Mama doesn't get eaten by the eels at this time." Adrien reassured.

"What?" Emma coughed.

"The Sirens don't get her. Now, I'm explaining to the both of you because you two look nervous." Adrien said as he looked at the Plagg size bump underneath Emma's paw-printed pattern comforter that was shaking.

"I wasn't nervous. Well, maybe I was a little bit concerned, but that's not the same thing." Emma said her father as she fidgeted with the corner of the blanket.

"Because we can stop now if you want." Adrien said as he laughed as his daughter who tried to deny she was scared for the safety of the damsel.

"No, you could keep going a bit more, if you want." Emma said trying to prevent the story from ending on a cliffhanger.

"I'm not scared just cold." Plagg mumbled under the blankets.

"Should I tell Tikki you're a fraidy cat?" Adrien said jokingly causing Plagg to come out of hiding and go to sit atop of Emma's head. Plagg scoffed at Adrien as he made himself a comfortable spot to listen to the rest of Adrien's story.

"Do you know what that sound is, Highness? Those are Sirens." Adrien continued.

"We passed that, Daddy." Emma complained stricken with the same annoyed expression as the black cat kwami on her head.

"All right, all right. Let's see. Marinette was in

the water, the Sirens were comin' after her, she was frightened, the Sirens started to charge her, and then-


	6. Six

Marinette got lifted out of the water by the Bubbler. Her beautiful pink gown practically ruined.

"Put her down, just put her down." Volpina ordered Bubbler who sat her down in the ship.

"I think he's getting closer." Lady Wifi said. Not knowing who or what was coming for them but saw a nearby ship.

"HE'S NO CONCERN OF OURS. SAIL ON!" Volpina yelled as a foreign ship grew closer and closer. She tied Marinette's wrists together with rope.

"I suppose you think you're brave, don't you?"

Volpina asked.

"Only compared to some." Marinette sharply replied still shook from almost becoming Mermaid chow.

As the thieves grew closer to the Cliffs of Insanity the forgiener followed.

"Look! He's right on top of us. I wonder if he's using the same wind we are using." Lady Wifi contemplated probably due to either being land deprived or phone deprived.

"WHOEVER HE IS, HE'S TOO LATE. SEE? THE CLIFFS OF INSANITY! HURRY UP! MOVE THE THING! AND THAT OTHER

THING! " Volphina urged before pausing and giving another order.

"MOVE IT! " Her crew scrambled to keep up with her orders. She definitely had a louder bark compared to her bite.

"We're safe. Only Bubbler is strong enough to go up our way. He'll have to sail around for hours till he finds a harbor." Volpina reassured as she gathered climbing ropes as her crew anchored the ship. She was confident that they wouldn't be followed any longer.

Climbing the cliffs was a dangerous task only the strongest could climb. Volpina, Lady Wifi, and Marinette clung on to Bubbler as he began to climb. Marinette had a miraculous secret way to survive this but it wasn't the time or place to do something so risky.

"He's climbing the rope. And he's gaining on us." Lady Wifi said as she looked down to see a handsome blonde masked man who wore a black cloak and mask to match his mysterious appearance.

"Inconceivable!" Volpina yelled before shouting at Bubbler to go faster.

"I thought I was going faster." Bubbler mumbled finding it to be difficult to go fast with all that added weight. Not that Lady Wifi or the beautifully, wonderful, talented, brave Marinette weighed much.

"YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THIS COLOSSUS, YOU WERE THIS GREAT LEGENDARY THING, AND YET HE GAINS!" Volpina whined not happy with Bubbler's attitude.

"Well, I'm carrying three people, and he's got only himself." Bubbler pointed out as he was sweaty and tired but still went on.

"I DO NOT ACCEPT EXCUSES! I'M JUST GOING TO HAVE TO! FIND MYSELF A NEW GIANT, THAT'S ALL." Volpina repleid. Bubbler wanted to drop her but he would have to kept himself in check. He didn't want to harm Lady Wifi who he grew to care about more then a crewmate. She was the spark that lite up his life as she enjoyed stories of heroes and villains as much as he did. She also supported his music. He would play on his guitar and she would join in with her flute.

"Don't say that, Volpina." Bubbler said as he felt Lady Wifi cling onto him more when she looked down.

"DID I MAKE IT CLEAR THAT YOUR JOB IS AT STAKE?" Volpina shouted almost done with Bubbler's excuses.

 _ **A/N: "Not that Lady Wifi or the beautifully, wonderful, talented, brave Marinette weighed much." Adrien's skilled in backtracking.**_


	7. Seven

At the top of the cliff. Volpina, Lady Wifi and Bubbler look down at the handsome masked man climbing the cliff after Volpina had cut the rope.

"He's got very good arms." Bubbler complemented as he stretched his. They were swore from all that work.

"HE DIDN'T FALL? INCONCEIVABLE!" Volpina shouted.

"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." Lady Wifi corrected. She was a writer of many stories maybe even this one. Proper word usage was her strong suit coming in handy when she blogged about the Knight, Ladybug.

"My God! He's climbing!" Lady Wifi remarked.

"Whoever he is, he's obviously seen us with the

princess and must therefore die. You, carry her. We'll head straight for the Bougerious frontier. Catch up when he's dead. If he falls, fine. If not, the sword." Volpina ordered not wanting to stain her paws with blood.

"I'm going to do him left-handed." Lady Wifi bragged.

"YOU KNOW WHAT A HURRY WE'RE IN!" Volpina scolded knowing that Lady Wifi was as skill with a sword as she was a quill.

"Is is the only way I can be satisfied. If I use my

right, over too quickly." Lady Wifi stated wanting to draw out the fight as long as she could.

"Oh, have it your way." Volpina snarled.

"You be careful. People in masks cannot be trusted." Bubbler said who kissed her on the cheek in case she was to lose and this was a final goodbye.

"I'M WAITING!" Volpina yelled wanting Bubbler to hurry up. She, Bubbler, and sweet Marinette departed from the castle ruins that topped the cliff. Lady WiFi was left to prepare for the masked man.

"Hello there! Slow going?" Lady WiFi asked as she watched the mysterious man struggle to climb.

"Look, I don't mew-n to be rude, but this is not as easy as it looks, so I'd ap-purr-ciate it if you

wouldn't distract me."

The man said as he huffing and puffing to get up such a cliff. He had the will and strength of a tiger just something about this purr-ticular cliff was exhausting.

"Sorry." Lady WiFi apologized.

"Thank you." He tersely replied.

"I do not suppose you could a-speed things up?" Lady WiFi asked wanting to get back to Bubbler who left her with conflicting emotions.

"If you're in such a hurry, you could lower a rope or a tree branch or find something useful to do." The masked man suggested wondering if this feisty female would genuinely help her enemy.

"I could do that. I still got some rope up here, but I do not think you would accept my help, since I am only waiting around to kill you." Lady WiFi explained with rope in hand.

"That does put a damper on our relationship." The man replied.

"But, I promise I will not kill you until you reach the top." Lady WiFi said being a woman of her word.

"That's very com-fur-ting, but I'm afraid you'll just have to wait."

"I hate waiting. I could give you my word as a

Fencer..."

"No good. I've known too many Fencers."

"Is there not any way you'll trust me?" Lady WiFi questioned.

"Nothing comes to mind."

"I swear, on the soul of my father, Otis Ceasire, you will reach the top alive." Lady WiFi said not knowing father was a sensitive subject for the humorous yet mysterious man. But he trusted her in the moment nonetheless.


	8. Eight

"Throw me the rope." The man said as he hung on the edge of the cliff. Lady Wifi throws the rope to aid the vigilante.

"Thank you." He said being both polite and good-looking.

"W-w-w-w-we'll wait until you are ready." Lady Wifi stuttered feeling inimidated by his height. He had sharp green eyes that could easily make any damsel fall.

"Again, thank you." He repeated shaking his opponent's hand.

"I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have the butterfly miraculous?" Lady Wifi asked.

"Do you always begin conversations this way?" Did she not notice his cat theme attire?

"My father was akumatized by the wielder of the butterfly miraculous. Was a great sword-maker, my father. When this miraculous holder appeared and request a special sword, my father took the job. He slave a year before it was done." Lady Wifi explained as she held the butterfly decorated sword handle.

"I've never seen its equal." The man stated as he admired the effort into making such a beautiful weapon.

"The butterfly miraculous holder returned and demanded it, but at one- tenth his promised price. My father refuse. Without a word, the butterfly miraculous holder akumatized him through the heart. I loved my father, so naturally I challenged his akumatiztion to a duel. I fail. The butterfly miraculous holder

akumtizied me as well. But he give me this."

"How old were you?" The cat themed man curiously asked.

"I was fifteen years old. When I was a-strong enough, I dedicated my life to the study of fencing, so the next time we meet, I will not fail. I will go up to the butterfly miraculous holder and say, "Hello. My name is Alya Ceasire. You akumatized my father. Prepare to

die."

"You've done nothing but study swordplay?"

"More a pursuit than a study, lately. You see, I cannot find him. It has been twenty years now and I am starting to lose confidence. I just work for Volpina to pay the bills. It's not a lot of money in revenge."

"Well, I-I certainly hope you find him someday."

"You are ready, then?"

"Whether I am or not, you've been more than fair."

"You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you."

"You seem a decent fellow. I hate to die." He sarcastically remarked as he drew not a sword from his belt but a retractable silver baton.

"Begin." Lady Wifi said as they fought with there metal weapons.

"You are using Stoneheart's defense against me, uh?"

"I thought it fitting, considering the rocky terrain." The man replied glad that his rival understood the pun he made in with his skills.

"Naturally, you must expect me to attack with Capo Ferro."

"Naturally, but I find that Thibault cancels Capo Ferro, don't you?" The masked man replied as Lady Wifi wondered if the man was taught by a purr-fessional instructor.

"Unless the enemy hasn't studied his Agrippa,

which I have!" Lady Wifi was surprised when the man blocked her attack with his baton. "You are wonderful!"

"Thank you. I've worked hard to become so."

"I admit it, you are better than I am."

"Then why are you smiling?" The man dreaded that his opponent may have something up her sleeves.


End file.
